By Sherrie Hurd,
There are so many forms of abuse, and the verbally abusive relationship is one of the most damaging situations. Words truly hurt.
Sometimes, I sit around and think about negative words from the past, but I try not to dwell too long there. It can be even more damaging to present situations, good or bad. I was in a verbally abusive relationship, among other things, and it almost killed me.
Here’s the thing, there were times that I tried to convince myself that I was the problem, and this is the largest contributor to my degrading health. Instead of being strong and getting away from a bad situation, I crumbled. I don’t want this to happen to anyone.
Recognize the toxicity
It’s sometimes hard to see the abuse from the inside. But if we take a step back and examine the big picture, we will see these negative and hurtful words as extremely abusive. If you’re in this situation, I know you need a little help.
So, let me explain a few verbally abusive type relationships that you may not recognize. I just want to give you a heads up, so you can avoid much of the damage that I endured.
1. Manipulative relationships
One of the first signs of a verbally abusive and toxic relationship is manipulation. This type of abuse can come in either actions or words, depending on the particular issue in the relationship. For instance, threats to leave a person, if they do not do as they are told, is definitely a manipulative move.
Control is a form of manipulation and control can easily be conveyed through words, even seemingly calm soothing words. In this case, it’s not only about how the thing is said but the placement of words in the statement.
Love, devotion, and commitment can be used just as negatively as harmful words and can be spoken calmly as well. But the placement of these words lets you know the true intention of the speaker.
2. Gaslighting relationships
I hate this one. Oh, I hate it with a passion. This was used on me so many times that I am grateful I still have a bit of self-worth left. Please pay close attention to what I’m about to tell you because it can change your life. Gaslighting is real, and some people are really good at it too.
Gaslighting is a form of convincing someone that they are crazy. For instance, if you catch your partner doing something wrong, they will turn the blame over to you. They can say a multitude of things that will make you feel like you’ve done something wrong yourself.
But there’s more to it. They can convince you that your memory of certain situations is wrong, especially if you’ve happened to mention a disturbing memory about them. They will say you are too sensitive, that everything you’ve seen or heard is all in your head.
Basically, it’s about them getting out of trouble at the expense of your sanity.
3. Humiliation in relationships
Sometimes partners will purposely embarrass or humiliate their matein public. I’m not sure why they do this, other than to put themselves in a good light and their partner in a bad one. I guess it’s about defaming a reputation in hopes of getting their own way.
Now, fun teasing is okay, because many couples do this, but insults and degrading comments are never okay. Honestly, intelligent people, who see this being done to you, will probably realize the motivation behind what’s being done, which is a good thing.
Let’s hope many people are learning more about toxic relationship dynamics.
4. When you’re always to blame
By the way, I also hate this one too. I’ve been in a relationship before where it was almost impossible for my partner to take the blame for anything, and apologies were rare. You are in a verbally abusive partnership when your partner will not take the blame, it’s that simple.
When you fight, it will be because you upset him or when something is forgotten, it will be because you never reminded her. You get the picture. To them, it will always be your fault.
5. The overly jealous relationship
Being a little jealous is okay, but being obsessive about it is not. It can be turned into a verbally abusive and hurtful relationship. If your partner starts hounding you about flirting with others or cheating when you’re late coming home, then they have become obsessive, and this is toxic indeed.
Because even though jealousy may not initially be verbal, it will soon turn into questioning, prying, and even public humiliation. It tends to escalate rather quickly.
6. The undermining relationship
A verbally toxic and abusive relationship can also include undermining. What undermining does is it makes the victim of abuse question their own interests and other choices. An abusive partner will criticize their mate’s clothing, music, and even food choices until the victim starts to question their own choices themselves.
This is also a form of control and may be hard to recognize at first. This is usually due to the fact that the abuser wraps their criticism in caring statements. They say they want to support their partner and they know they can do better.
Have you heard this before? You just have to learn how to tell the difference between real support and manipulation.
What can we do?
If you’re in a relationship that has any of these characteristics, it’s time to do inventory. Pay attention to the way your partner acts in certain situations or during arguments. Many times, they will have a hard time with healthy communication and will say the communication is being argumentative.
Usually, the abusive partner will get angry instead of trying to talk things through, not always, but most of the time.
So, with this being said, I hope you can find a way to stop verbal abuse if you endure this. A verbally abusive relationship can damage both your physical and mental health if not approached in the right way and resolved.
Sometimes, unfortunately, leaving the toxic relationship is the only solution. This will be up to you.
I wish you well.